Ah, so everyone just assumed I had already tried peeing on it. Nope, I'm a Florida transplant. Not sure what the Floridians do though...sprinkle cockroaches? I'll go ahead and pee on the lawnmower while I'm at it.

I have read codes on my ECU using the LED method. It is giving the code for "Throttle Position Sensor / Idle
Position Switch / Harness and Connector". Besides harness, I can't see any of these causing a no-spark, and if there was some harness/connector issue I would think I'd be getting some weird symptoms somewhere in my many test results. What do you think?

OK, I'll dive into the dizzy swap when it stops raining. Since I'm feeling less motivated right now, I'll try Metal Mover's ether trick first.

As for my other post, I feel I have the ECU installed correctly, I'm just reaching at this point for anything. I'm not 100% sure I have that ground wire attached to the right place--currently its going to the chassis, which is probably right.

Thanks guys!