Legal hunting in Canada

AáCanadian and an American were hunting in Canadian woods when an illegal alien runs across the field.
The Canadian takes careful aim, shoots, and kills him.
"You can't do that!" cried the American.
"No, no, it's legal here in Canada " replies the Canadian. Later that night the American goes and buys some beer and puts it on the roof of his truck to open the door.
Just then an illegal alien runs by, grabs the beer, and runs away. The American thinks "No problem" draws his pistol, shoots, and kills him.
As he is getting his beer the police come and arrest him.
"But I thought it was legal to shoot illegal aliens here in Canada !" protests the American.
"Well yeah," says the cop, "but you can't use bait."

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Hope this is not too risque for the Board:

A little guy is on an elevator. A HUGE guy gets on at the next floor and stands next to the little guy. The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says, "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown."

The small guy faints dead away and falls to the floor. The big dude kneels down and brings him to, slapping his face and shaking him. When the little guy finally comes around, the big guy asks him, "What's wrong with you?"

In a very weak voice the little guy says, "Excuse me, but what EXACTLY
did you say to me?"

The big dude said, "I saw a curious look on your face and figured I'd
just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me. I'm 7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20-inch penis, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, and my name is Turner Brown."

The small guy says, "Thank God!! I thought you said, "Turn around".

It can only go up from here.... <img src="/forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

So to speak? <img src="/forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Joe came home from work one day and ask his wife Jane "What would you do if I won the lottery" Jane replied "Take half and leave you." Joe smiled and said "We'll I've won...............$12 dollars. So here's your $6 now get out!"

A man sees an elderly lady having trouble at the ATM.

She asks him to help check her balance.

He says ok and pushes her.

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A professor at the University of Arkansas was giving a lecture on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks, 'How many people here believe in ghosts?'

About 90 students raise their hands.

'Well, that's a good start. Out of those of you, who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you've seen a ghost?'

About 40 students raise their hands.

'That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?'

About 15 students raise their hands.

'Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?'

3 students raise their hands.

'That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further... Have any you ever made love to a ghost?'

Way in the back, Bubba raises his hand.

The professor takes off his glasses, and says, 'Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost.

You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience.'

The big Arkansas redneck student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium.

When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, 'So, Bubba, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?'

Bubba replied, 'Sh...t! , from way back thar I thought you said, 'Goats.'

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What do you get when you cross an Aggie with a Razorback?





Nuthin'- thar's just some things that a pig won't do. <img src="/forums/images/graemlins/ignore.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/forums/images/graemlins/notooth.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/forums/images/graemlins/oink.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/forums/images/graemlins/oink.gif" alt="" />

Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research.

This means that by 2020, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.