Manual safeties on most handguns can only be engaged when they're cocked. Glocks don't have manual safeties at all, and police carry them with a round in the chamber all day every day. But if you don't like the idea of keeping it cocked with a round in the chamber, you should be looking at a double-action or DA/SA with a decocker as commonly found on Sig Sauers or H&Ks. Or you could go with a revolver.

It would be extremely unusual for a pistol to require any special cleaning tools. Most disassemble by hand. And if you're losing parts in the field, yer doin it wrong.

I sense that you are a bit overwhelmed by all the choices you have. Abandon the idea that one or two guns will address all your needs simultaneously, then identify and prioritize very specific purpose(s) you have in mind and go from there. Different tools for different jobs. If you say "I want a semi-auto in .45acp with at least 8 round capacity, DA/SA with a decocker any maybe an attachment rail," then you are starting to narrow it down to a manageable number of choices.

For home defense I like a pump shotgun (i.e. Remington 870) and a pistol that holds a bunch of rounds (I like .45acp so I have a Glock 21). Of course, that G21 is difficult for me to conceal so for carry I have a G36 (smaller .45) or a light weight S&W .38 revolver depending on how I'm dressed. For practicing fundamentals of sight picture, trigger squeeze, etc. at the range I like a .22LR pistol because I can run a bunch of rounds through it for cheap.

You should prioritize your first purchases based on real world use. For most people that will be 1) home defense, and 1a) concealed carry if that applies to you. I don't hunt game and I don't know where that falls on your list of priorities. Zombie/SHTF rifles are enticing but I'd save that purchase for some time after the real needs are addressed.

You won't necessarily find the best prices at gun shows but they are a good place to go to check out the selection. Most sellers will give you permission to handle the merchandise, so you can try on a bunch of stuff to see what fits you & the wife without any real sales pressure. Some will grip and point naturally for you and some won't.

If you are really hard up and need one pistol that will be serviceable for home defense as well as concealed carry, not too big and not too small, and fires a ballistically competent self defense caliber that isn't break-the-bank expensive for shooting a bunch of rounds at the range, I'd suggest a mid-size 9mm.