well boys, thanks for the responses. the strangest thing happened, for some reason the problem solved itself. i'm sure it is only temporary, but i was messing around and managed to get the lights on without the blinker coming on. i was driving at night, quickly turned my lights off, turned the blinker on, and then turned lights back on. when i did that, the blinker blinked and actually turned off when i put the lever back in the middle position.

for some reason i'm sure the problem will present itself again, at which time i will mess with the relay (thanks DougB)