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I have to keep a close handle on the drinking, I know that. But it's helping me sleep at night. I'm trying to build a strong foundation with the girls. They are my world.

Wanna know what I did? Really? I did NOTHING! I wasn't there, I didn't pay attention to her, I put myself first, it was always about me! Ask your ladies, they will tell you... That's NOT how it goes.

Wanna know what's funny, she kept coming back all these years and apologizing to me! She did NOTHING wrong and apologized to me! Can you believe it? What an angel! Can you see why my heart is breaking? I lost... everything. I did too little too late. She doesn't believe me this time, when I said I would change. I said I would one too many times and didn't.

I don't blame her. She did what I taught her to do... She stood up for herself. <img src="/forums/images/graemlins/kewl.gif" alt="" />
I was in her situation. I only wanted him, and he was never there. I put up with being alone emotionaly for 20 years and finally gave up. When we were seperated, he brought roses, perfume, and a beautiful silk scarf to my work place. I felt it cheapened our relationship even more. It was like he was trying to buy me. I swept the gifts off the counter and walked away for good! Most of us are really not after tangible goods. We want the love in your heart and just to feel your arms around us or a special look accross the room. The secret little things our hearts share. Your pain will lessen with time, but maybe just a little of that pain kept alive may help you from repeating your actions in any future relationship. So sorry this is happening this time of year. Mine was the same it literally can be hell on earth. Love yourself and try to remember you must be a good person or she would not have married you or had your children.

Beledi