ahh... found it...

the 2nd relay, the black one by the gas pedal - was just not even there. FPO! I borrowed the "warning light relay" one from under the hood, plugged, in, and the fan works in all speeds now.

So, warning light relay went back to where it belongs and now I have to hunt down a new relay - is this a dealer only part or can i get one from autozone?

Now, the a/c compressor still isn't kicking on.... but I think I'll leave that part to an A/C shop since I haven't the tools or talent to test, vamp, or charge it.