Air Force One crashed in the middle of rural America. Panic stricken the Secret Service mobilized and descended on the farm. When they got there, the wreckage was clear. The aircraft was totally destroyed with only a burned hulk left smoldering in a tree line that bordered a farm. Secret Service descended upon the smoking hulk but could find no remains of the crew or the President's staff. To their amazement, a lone farmer was plowing a field not too far away as if nothing at all happened. They hurried over to surround the man's tractor. "Sir," the senior Secret Service agent asked, panting and out of breath. "Did you see this terrible accident happen?" "Yep. Sure did." The man muttered. "Do you realize that is the President of the United States airplane?" "Yep," said the farmer. "Were there any survivors?" the agent gasped. "Nope. They were all killed," the farmer said. "I buried them all myself. It took most of the morning." "The President of the United States is dead?" The agent gulped in disbelief. "Well," the farmer sighed, obviously wanting to get back to his work. "He kept saying he wasn't ... but you know what a liar he is."

Um...look at the subject of the thread. It's calling for bad jokes.

That one ain't. <img src="/forums/images/graemlins/lol.gif" alt="" />

He has never lied. <img src="/forums/images/graemlins/lol.gif" alt="" />



Ok
Four nuns are riding in a car when they get into a car crash and die. When they get to the pearly gates of heaven ST Peter asks them if they had any sins to confess before they enter. The first nun steps forward and states "I have looked at a penis once". ST Peter tells her to wash her eyes in the holy water and enter heaven. The second nun comes forward and states"I touched a penis once". ST Peter tells her to wash her hands in the holy water and enter heaven. By then the last two nuns are fighting over who goes next. ST Peter asks " whats wrong, why are we fighting on this glorious day?" One nuns speaks up"I have to wash my mouth out before she dips her <img src="/forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> in there".

One more Catholic joke.

A father and a nun are on a mission. It gets late while on thier journey and they are forced to stay the night in a cold barn with only a few blankets. During the night the nun is cold and asks "father, may I have another blanket?" The father gets up and tucks her in with another blanket. After a few minutes the nun says "Father I'm still cold. May I have another blanket?" The father brings her another blanket. A few minutes go by and she says "Father, Father, I'm still cold. Do you think just for tonight we could pretend that were married?" Father kindly looks back at her and says "That would be nice, Get your own F-ing blanket"

I guess the Catholic joke are'nt a hit around here. "This is a rough crowd" <img src="/forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />






President Bush, First Lady Laura and Dick Cheney were flying on Air Force One. George looked at Laura, chuckled and said, "You know, I could throw a $1,000 bill out of the window right now and make somebody very happy."


Laura shrugged her shoulders and replied, "I could throw ten $100 bills out of the window and make ten people very happy."


Cheney added, "That being the case, I could throw one hundred $10 bills out of the window and make a hundred people very happy."


Hearing their exchange, the pilot rolled his eyes and said to his co-pilot, "Such big-shots back there . *****, I could throw all of them out of the window and make 56 million people very happy." <img src="/forums/images/graemlins/patriot.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/forums/images/graemlins/lol.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/forums/images/graemlins/lol.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/forums/images/graemlins/lol.gif" alt="" />

Oh I appreciate it! Recovering Catholic here (8 years Catholic school, altar boy, CYO, etc). Plink away! <img src="/forums/images/graemlins/lol.gif" alt="" />

Good joke though...doesn't belong in this thread. <img src="/forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

WHAT DO RETIRED PEOPLE DO ALL DAY?

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.

Well for example, the other day I went into town and went into a shop. I was only in there for about 5 minutes. When I came out there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. I went up to him and said, "Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?" He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. I called him a Nazi bastard. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires. So I called him a S___head. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote.

Personally, I didn't care. I came into town by bus. I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired. It's important at my age you know.

Two Irishmen walk out of a bar...

Hey! It could happen!

<img src="/forums/images/graemlins/lol.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/forums/images/graemlins/lol.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/forums/images/graemlins/lol.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/forums/images/graemlins/lol.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/forums/images/graemlins/lol.gif" alt="" />
<img src="/forums/images/graemlins/lol.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/forums/images/graemlins/lol.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/forums/images/graemlins/lol.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/forums/images/graemlins/lol.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/forums/images/graemlins/lol.gif" alt="" />
<img src="/forums/images/graemlins/lol.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/forums/images/graemlins/lol.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/forums/images/graemlins/lol.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/forums/images/graemlins/lol.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/forums/images/graemlins/angry.gif" alt="" /><-retired Irish cop.