From another board:
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I went to the Patent Office trying to register some of my inventions. I went to the main desk to sign in, and the lady at the desk had a form that had to be filled out. She wrote down my personal info and then asked me what I had invented.

I said, "A folding bottle." She said, "Okay, what do you call it?"

"A Fottle."

"What else do you have?"

"A folding carton." "What do you call it?"

"A Farton."

She laughed and said, "Those are silly names for products, and one of them sounds kind of crude."

I was so upset by her comment that I grabbed the form and left the office without even telling her about my folding bucket.

<img src="/forums/images/graemlins/lol.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/forums/images/graemlins/lol.gif" alt="" /> thats a great one.

Guys you know they finally found the cause of death for princess Diana.. It was just an extreme case of car-pole tunnel syndrome!

A filthy rich South Texas man decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbors. He also invited Leroy, the only redneck in the neighborhood.

He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion. Leroy was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating shrimp, oysters and BBQ and flirting with all the women.

At the height of the party, the host said, 'I have a 10-foot man-eating gator in my pool, and I'll give a million dollars to anyone who has the nerve to jump in.'

The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash, and everyone turned around and saw Leroy in the pool! Leroy was fighting the gator and kicking its a$$! Leroy was jabbing the gator in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, head-butts and choke-holds, biting the gator on the tail and flipping the gator through the air like some kind of Judo Instructor. The water was churning and splashing everywhere. Both Leroy and the gator were screaming and raising hell. Finally Leroy strangled the gator and let it float to the top like a dime store goldfish. Leroy then slowly climbed out of the pool. Everybody was just staring at him in disbelief.

Finally the host says, 'Well, Leroy, I reckon I owe you a million dollars.'

'No, that's okay. I don't want it,' said Leroy.

The rich man said, 'Man, I have to give you something. You won the bet. How about half a million bucks then?'

'No thanks. I don't want it,' answered Leroy.

The host said, 'Come on, I insist on giving you something. That was amazing. How about a new Porsche and a Rolex and some stock options?'

Again Leroy said no.

Confused, the rich man asked, 'Well, Leroy, then what do you want?'

Leroy said, 'I want the name of the sumb!+ch who pushed me in the pool!!'

A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this problem with gas,
but it really doesn't bother me too much. They never smell and are always silent.
As a matter of fact, I've passed gas at least 20 times since I've been here in your office.
You didn't know I was passing gas because they didn't smell and are silent. "

The doctor says, "I see. Take these pills and come back to see me next week."

The next week the lady goes back and says "Doctor, I don't know what the
heck you gave me, but now my gas, although still silent, stinks terribly."

"Good" the doctor said. "Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's
work on your hearing!

A young cowboy walks into a seedy cafe in Prescott , Az. He sits at the counter and notices an old cowboy with his arms folded, staring blankly at a full bowl of chili.

After fifteen minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the young cowboy bravely asks the old cowpoke, "If you ain't gonna eat that, mind if I do?"

The older cowboy slowly turns his head toward the young wrangler and in his best cowboy manner says, "Nah, you go ahead."

Eagerly, the young cowboy reaches over and slides the bowl over to his place and starts spooning it in with delight. He gets nearly down to the bottom and notices a dead mouse in the chili. The sight was shocking and he immediately barfs up the chili into the bowl.

The old cowboy quietly says, "Yep, that's as far as I got, too."

As explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers.

One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm.
Here's how it went:

"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

two guys walked into a bar, one ducked!

Does this mean that there were initially 3 guys?

<img src="/forums/images/graemlins/lol.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/forums/images/graemlins/lol.gif" alt="" /> That was such a great show. <img src="/forums/images/graemlins/cheers.gif" alt="" />