A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!" "What do you mean?" the pirate replies, "I'm fine."

The bartender says, "But what about that wooden leg? You didn't have that before." "Well," says the pirate, "We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit my leg but the surgeon fixed me up, and I'm fine, really."

"Yeah," says the bartender, "But what about that hook? Last time I saw you, you had both hands." "Well," says the pirate, "We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and my hand was cut off but the surgeon fixed me up with this hook, and I feel great, really."

"Oh," says the bartender, "What about that eye patch? Last time you were in here you had both eyes." "Well," says the pirate, "One day when we were at sea, some birds were flying over the ship. I looked up, and one of them crapped in my eye." "So?" replied the bartender, "what happened? You couldn't have lost an eye just from some bird crap!"

"Well," says the pirate, "I really wasn't used to the hook yet."

That reminds me of that new pirate movie thats coming out.























Its rated ARRRRRRRHH!

Two guys are shopping in a supermarket when their carts collide. One says to the other, ôIÆm sorry, I was looking for my wife.ö

ôWhat a coincidence. So am I, and IÆm getting a little desperate,ö says the other man.

ôWell, maybe I can help you. What does your wife look like?ö

ôSheÆs tall, with long hair, long legs, firm boobs, and a tight butt. What does your wife look like?ö

ôOh, never mind. LetÆs look for yours!ö <img src="/forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Carlos

<img src="/forums/images/graemlins/lol.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/forums/images/graemlins/lol.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/forums/images/graemlins/lol.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/forums/images/graemlins/lol.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/forums/images/graemlins/lol.gif" alt="" />

So much for bad jokes??????? <img src="/forums/images/graemlins/zombie.gif" alt="" />

Sorry, I'll try to find some bad ones to post. <img src="/forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> I saw that one and had to put it up here.

Carlos

A blonde and her husband are lying in bed listening to the next door neighbor's dog. It has been in the backyard barking for hours and hours.

The blonde jumps up out of bed and says "I've had enough of this." She goes downstairs.

The blonde finally comes back up to bed and her husband says "The dog is still barking, what have you been doing?"

The blonde says "I've put the dog in our backyard, let's see how they like it."

A woman went to the emergency room, where shewas seen by a young new doctor. After about 3 minutes in the examination room, the doctor told her she was pregnant.


She burstout of the room and ran down the corridor screaming. An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was; after listening to her story, he calmed her down and sat her in another room.


Then the doctor marched down the hallway to thefirst doctor's room. "What the hell's wrong with you?" he demanded. This woman is 63 years old, she has two grown children and several grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?!!"


The new doctor continued to write on his clipboard and without looking up said:
































"Does she still have the hiccups?"

Rick was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less than 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!"

The next morning Rick got up early and left for work.

When his wife woke up she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, and brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand-new bathroom scale.

Rick has been missing since Friday. Please pray for him.

The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, an Anchorage man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers.
"We're sorry Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife," said one trooper.
"Tell me! Did you find her?" Wilkens shouted.
The troopers looked at each other.
One said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?" Fearing the worst, an ashen Mr. Wilkens said, "Give me the bad news first."

The trooper said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in Kachemak Bay."

"Oh my God!" exclaimed Wilkens. Swallowing hard, he asked, "What's the good news?" ; The trooper continued, "When we pulled her up, she had 12 twenty-five pound king crabs and 6 good-size Dungeness crabs clinging to her."

Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded, "If that's the good news, what's the great news?"

The trooper said, "We're going to pull her up again tomorrow."