My dad died October 2 at age 79 of end stage emphysema/COPD. In the mid 1980's he walked out on my mother...never divorced her, just left the house. He did pay a good bit of her bills and supply her with a vehicle, but basically he ignored her and his three sons and daughter. He wanted nothing to do with us, yet my youngest brother tracked him down and forced a relationship on him. As my dad developed health issues, that bond grew stronger but he still did not bother to contact the rest of us.

My dad got really sick in July and we all got contacted. I did visit him at the hospital, mostly to give support to my siblings, but my overall feelings toward the man did not change a bit over the summer nor do I expect them to. Could I have done more for him? Sure, but I resented being sucked back into a relationship in any form and resolved to be happy with myself.

My father was not really in pain during his last days, for that I am grateful. It was sad, knkowing he was dying and thinking of all the time he wasted, and that he chose to do that. My children only remember him as the man who gave their grandmother money and made her sad between his abrubt visits.

My siblings and I did not get any closer due to this experience, in fact I have only seen the three of them twice each since his funeral on October 6. I turn fifty tomorrow, and thought I would be bothered very little by all this, but have been kidding myself.

I feel for you, can only suggest you put the past to rest and focus on the good things you remember of your dad. Do your damnest to not do things he did that cause you pain to your own family. No one is perfect, some people just try harder than others. May you find peace.