Life in LOLERZ æVille û How Azrain gets stupidà

FarkinÆ week from hell, went on a mission to get a spinning world, hilarity ensuedà

Life in aerospace sucks. WeÆre getting ready to close down the shop for a week, no customers are taking delivery next week here and we are staring down a 200K misstep in shipping dollars, I am not pleased. Add to that am X-mas party for the folks in the shop and an ISO audit the last three days of the week, ***** is starting to look like a real pisser for the entry into the Holiday break. Boss is on my ass about the shipping shortage, IÆve got a Quality Engineer in training that is being a pissy little squid and two auditors climbing into every cavity. Geez.

Stuff starts working out a little, the audit starts getting smooth and two big ass jobs are going to ship on Friday. Looks like we made it and the pressure starts to come off a little. Yeah, right. Enter Friday, the official ôMondayzillaö of the industry. One big job has to go back in the shop for rework (if it wasnÆt for rework, weÆd have no work at all) and one of the auditors is getting her panties in a twist because I told her there was no way I would make a change she is demanding we should make. Sorry, my shop, my rules, eat it. She subsequently realizes it is raining like a mofo and something she noticed the day before, a pallet of boxes outside one of the bay doors. That pallet happens to have banker boxes of job records on it, getting drenched in the rain. Fawk. Furthermore, my little surprise for the X-mas party is looking like a bust. IÆve already made a promise to the top eight seniority folks in the company a cool little perk, this ainÆt good...

Just as sudden as the storm rolled in, it starts clearing up. Rain stops and the auditor is wooed by my manly charms. Woot! The auditors are ready for lunch and then theyÆll start writing their final reports. I tell them they have one more area to audit, Internal Communication and to wait until 12:15 to see how I let my folks know when they have done something goodà HereÆs how I let my people know that we need them:


MDHI 900 Explorer set down in the field next to the shop.


Shop personnel checking out the sky ride. The "eight" all got rides in the aircraft.


My boss, the owner, with the one and only corrective action we recieved in the audit. He sat the pallet of documents outside, in the rain as it turned out... Dammit! <img src="/forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

So, we get through all of that, the auditors are done and my counterpart in the company and I are locking the doors to get the hell out of Dodge for a nice long holiday week off. We decide to get the bottle out of my ôExecutiveö æfridge for a couple shots of Casadores Silver in self-appreciation for a job well done. And so it begins.

I get out of there and head for a local establishment to meet a couple of friends, down some adult beverages and have a bull session. IÆm on my third hammer when friend number one shows up. We continue to drink. Friend number two shows up, we drink, shoot the BS, IÆm busy pointing out the hot little server talent and weÆre having a good time. IÆm mildly buzzed and they have to go home. IÆm getting a swerve on and decide my evening is not done by a long shot. The wife is out of town until next month, IÆve had no lovinÆ in two weeks, my ass is still sore from the work week and IÆm ready to do something stupid. I go home, well kind of anyhow.

Get home and promptly call a cab. IÆm stupid but not irresponsible. If IÆm gonna roll, no way am I driving. Cabbie shows up and I direct him to Bourbon Street with a stop at the money tree on the way. Money tree screams ôWTF?ö ( I swear, the machine was speaking in Spanish!) at the obscene wad I pull out of it and weÆre off! The women are hot, as usual, and IÆm eyeballing which one is going to get the bulk of my money. There are too many to choose from, but a cute black haired tall drink of water is catching my eye. Now look, IÆm a pig, no question, but I hold dancers in high regard. They do a ***** job and they are still someoneÆs daughter. Nonetheless, I have a wad of bills in my pocket and IÆm waving in the tall black haired beauty. SheÆs hot, way hot and the series of twenty dollar dances is awn baby! Over the course of a hundred bucks I learn that she is Romanian (cool, IÆm a sucker for women of diverse ethnicity) and is a single mom. I decide she is getting my business for the night, she wants to bring her Russian friend over the table, looks like IÆm getting the SportsmanÆs Double, yay!

At this point, IÆm now into drunken land, somewhere around just throwing twenties at the two girls ôdancingö on my nether regions and remembering that IÆm still in a chair. IÆm conscious but floatingà Romanian girl is going on and on about what a nice guy I am and how she wishes she would meet a guy like me, blah de blah blah blah. You guyÆs who know me know that IÆm kind of like a John Pinette with a goatee and a stomach staple, yeah IÆm impressing women all over the world. Russian girl is now doing stuff to Romanian girl that is getting my attention and sobering me up a tad. Russian girl wants a bottle of ôchampagneö, the stuff that they bring out looked like a $10 bottle of Asti that ran fifty bucks. IÆm now starting to do math in my head and worrying about finding a credit card cab for the ride home. Russian girl is guzzling the bottle, Romanian girl is cussing her in a foreign language, from what I gather itÆs got something to do with Russian girl getting too drunkà Speaking of drunk, IÆm now there, the week of hell is done, IÆm doing the spin and I have two hot girls on my lap, life is good. Well, right up until then anyhow.

Russian girl starts getting a look on her face. I know this look, danger is imminent but IÆm plastered and Romanian girl is really getting upset with her and then it happens. Russian girl spews. WeÆre talking Linda Blair projectile vomiting. I swear, In slow motion, it was like watching a Phalanx gun spray the air with depleted uranium. Seriously, she was drunk heaving like a sailor on 48 hour leave, ***** was everywhere, oh wait, did I mention *****? Yep, thatÆs right, the force of her vomiting also forced her bowels to expel something we were not at all expecting, and itÆs on my shoe. The smell, now making me, the Romanian girl and everyone within a ten foot radius queasy is like sitting on the top of the mound at the city dump, midday in a Phoenix August day. ItÆs bad. Romanian girl is now starting to look ill, Russian girl is passed out in a ball on the floor and three bouncers are pulling me from the chair apologizing like the Pope just got offed on their watch. No problem, letÆs get a fire hose and wash all this stuff of my pants leg and shoe and IÆm the fawk out of here. Romanian girl, a waitress and the manager are helping me get all this stuff off me, IÆm standing there in the kitchen wobbling drunk while two pretty hot women are cleaning nuclear waste off my person. I remember thinking that my wife will either find this very funny or will not be impressed at allà

I go home, get my soaking clothes off, heat up a plate of pasta and eat. What a day.