An old veteran fighter pilot is on a commercial airliner sitting next to a mother with her baby....just when they are about to land the mom begins to breast feed her child. Not wanting to make the lady uncomfortable the old pilot looks away. After the landing the mom thanks the pilot for giving her some privacy and explains that breast feeding allows the childs ears to equalize during the descent. The pilot scratches his head and says....









And all this time I was chewing gum..... <img src="/forums/images/graemlins/patriot.gif" alt="" />

LOL

All those views and only one "LOL"????

What a rough crowd <adjusting tie> <img src="/forums/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Okay, a guy I work with told me one that he heard at his church last Sunday...it's a little similiar, so I'll add it here.

A little old woman, in her late 70s and widowed, decided to take a husband. She put an add in the paper as follows: "I'm a healthy, energetic woman in my 70s looking for a husband. All comers considered, but there are 3 conditions: 1. You must not beat me. You must not run around on me. 3. You must be able to perform."

Sure enough, the next day, her doorbell rings, and when she opens the door, there's a man in his 70s, in a wheelchair. The woman is taken aback, because the man has no arms, and no legs. She tries to be nice and says "i'm flattered you considered me, but didn't you see that there were conditions in my ad?"

The old man says "sure I did. 1. I have no arms, so I cannot beat you. 2. I have no legs, so I can't run around on you."

The little old lady, sighs, and says "but you're forgetting #3: You must be able to perform."

The old man grins and says "how do you think I rang your doorbell?"

<img src="/forums/images/graemlins/lol.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/forums/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Ok, I got one too.

An Amish guys goes to the doctor. During his physical, he asks the Doc if he'll live to be a hundred years old. The Doc asks, "Do you drink or smoke?" The man replies "None of those things have ever touched these lips!" Then the Doc asks "Do you gamble, drive fast cars or run around with women?" The man, looking repulsed and offended, exclaimed "Absolutely not! I couldn't bring myself to do any of those things!" The Docs reply....
















Wait for it...














"Then why would you want to live to 100???? <img src="/forums/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />